Rosco’s Groan of the week
Well, I thought the pun group was getting a little quiet, so I wanted to do something about it. A friend gave me the idea for the last pun (#10), and it just sorta grew from there...
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| Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger." ROSCO (22 years ago, 5-Apr-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week
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| Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. (22 years ago, 15-Apr-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #3
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| Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. (22 years ago, 22-Apr-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #4
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| A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." (22 years ago, 30-Apr-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | | | Groan of the week #6
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| A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved (...) (22 years ago, 13-May-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #7
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| A woman who had twins decided to give them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Ahmal." The other went to a family in Spain; they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. (...) (22 years ago, 19-May-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #8
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| Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good (...) (22 years ago, 26-May-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #9
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| Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... . . . (...) (22 years ago, 3-Jun-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | Groan of the we....Oh, why bother?
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| Apologies for the delay this week, but I'm wondering if it's worth continuing? I posted these puns in the hope they'd cause much mirth and merriment among Lugetters. Alas, it seems no pun in ten did...... ROSCO (22 years ago, 11-Jun-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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That one was originally going to be the last, but as I got at least 2 requests to continue, I did! You asked for it!
| | Groan of the week #11 (you asked for it!)
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| A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, (...) (22 years ago, 16-Jun-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #12
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| An Englishman and a citizen of the Czech Republic went on a hunting trip. When they did not return for several days, a search party was sent after them. The party found a he-bear and a she-bear, each with full tummies. Becoming suspicious, they (...) (22 years ago, 25-Jun-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #13
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| Sam, Stear, Spike, and Sean Cleer were brothers who owned a dude ranch, called the 4-S Ranch, in the Canadian Rockies. Their business was staying in the black but barely. One day, a family discussion led to how they might improve and attract more (...) (22 years ago, 30-Jun-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #14
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| A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. (...) (22 years ago, 8-Jul-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #15
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| A man who lived in a block of flats thought it was raining and put his hand out of the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a girl looking down. "Is this yours?" he (...) (22 years ago, 14-Jul-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #16
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| One day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark". Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you're the guv'". But God interrupts, "Ah but there's a catch this time (...) (22 years ago, 23-Jul-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #17 (apologies to Schlitz)
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| Many years ago there was a famous baseball pitcher named Milt Famey. His career was brilliant, but in his last years his abilities decreased. Becoming depressed, he started drinking a lot of beer, both on and off the field. In his last year in the (...) (22 years ago, 29-Jul-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #18
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| A hungry African lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the (...) (22 years ago, 5-Aug-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #20
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| A frog went into a bank to take out a loan. He went to the loan officer, whose name was Patty Black. He told Patty Black that he wanted to take out a loan to make some repairs on his house. When asked what he had for collateral, the frog pulled out (...) (22 years ago, 19-Aug-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #21
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| If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians should be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? (22 years ago, 26-Aug-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #22
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| Three guys are out fishing, and when they get back to their truck, they see it's surrounded by three bears. "OK guys, I figure the only way to get to the truck is to get these bears really angry. Then they'll leave and we can go home. So, Ed, you (...) (22 years ago, 2-Sep-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #23
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| Once upon a time there was a king and a jester. Now, the jester loved puns and annoyed the king with them all day long. Finally, the king was so fed up that he said, "If you don't stop with the puns, I'll be forced to hang you!" What was the (...) (22 years ago, 9-Sep-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #24
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| A man goes into a restaurant wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the man goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have (...) (22 years ago, 16-Sep-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #25
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| Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?" The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The (...) (22 years ago, 23-Sep-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #26
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| In all the world no man was more blessed than Khu, the Grand Shan of Tartary - nor more cursed. None exceeded him in power or riches, the breadth of his domain, the virtues of his wife, and the vices of his concubines. Such were his blessings, but (...) (22 years ago, 1-Oct-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #27 (one for the pirates!)
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| A pirate captain was on the look out for buried treasure. After months of hard sailing, day in and day out, his ship caught site of land, the land to which his treasure map had been leading. He and his first mate diembarked on the island to search (...) (22 years ago, 7-Oct-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #28
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| Two safari guides in Africa were having a drink on the veranda and watching the sun go down when they became engaged in an argument over which was the better guide. Since each simply refused to believe the other's hunting stories they were unable to (...) (22 years ago, 14-Oct-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #29 (the real one!)
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| Once there was an eccentric Italian monarch who insisted on eating his breakfast on a tablecloth of the map of Italy. he was emphatic that each dish was put in exactly the same place every time. He was the pickiest about having his Eggs Bennedict (...) (22 years ago, 21-Oct-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | | | Groan of the week #31
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| When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? See the complete Groan of the week at (URL) (22 years ago, 5-Nov-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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| | | | Groan of the week #32
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| A koala walks into a restauraunt, orders a sandwich, eats it, shoots the waiter in the arm and then leaves. The waiter runs after the koala and says "Hey, what did you do that for?". The koala says "Look me up in the dictionary and you'll find out". (...) (22 years ago, 10-Nov-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #33
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| In Russia there once lived a man named Rudolph. Rudolph was very supportive of the communist regime, and provided weather reports to the Kremlin. In all his years, he had 100% accuracy when predicing downpours. When his wife was told this, she asked (...) (22 years ago, 18-Nov-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
| | | | | Groan of the week #34
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| It's a badly known fact that Quasimodo (you know - the Hunchback of Notredame) has an Identical twin bother. The twin had left the city many years ago, to live in the countryside, where he made a good livinÿg as a bell-ringer for a small rural (...) (21 years ago, 26-Nov-02, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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Happy Punning!
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